Stand by Your Man

Ruth Madoff, the wife of Ponzi-schemer Bernard Madoff, must have been stunned when she heard Judge Chin sentence her husband to 150-years in the pokey. In many ways, this has sealed her fate as a widow—a married woman without a husband.

From what I’ve read, her sons and she have not met since the patriarch confessed his scheme to his sons. I’m not quite sure how to explain the estrangement between mother and sons.

In June’s Vanity Fair, Madoff’s secretary of more than 20 years, Eleanor Squilliari, answered the question regarding whether she thought that Mrs. Madoff knew of the heist:

“I always say only that her behavior after Bernie’s arrest seemed strange: she didn’t leave him and go straight to her sons, who were obviously devastated. As a mother, if my husband were arrested for a massive fraud, I would leave him immediately—if I didn’t kill him first—and go to my children.”

But the most-recent New York magazine article paints a different portrait. “Poor Ruth” by Sheelah Kolhatkar reports that Ruth has grieved over her sons’ behavior post-Madoff scandal.

They were a tight-knit group, in terms of the physical space they shared. Mark and Andy worked in their dad’s company, and Ruth had an office there as well. Immediately after their dad confessed his crime, the two brothers not only retained attorneys, hired crisis management PR firms, but also ceased speaking with their mom.

So the question is, who isn’t speaking to whom? As a mother, I would agree with Madoff’s secretary, Eleanor Squilliari. At the same time, I don’t know the relationship between husband and wife.

Famed feminist Gloria Steinem presents her take of the public's treatment of Ruth Madoff in the same New York article.

“It’s the gender politics of culture. It’s easier to blame the person with less power. Why aren’t people blaming her sons? They would be much more likely to be in cahoots, because they were in the same professional field. And the answer is, they’re men, that’s why.”

Steinem’s point is an interesting one. At the same time, Ruth Madoff was known to be loyal to her husband and the spouse that stood by his side from the very beginning—before their sons were even alive.

When a spouse messes up, we often blame the other spouse or at least hold him or her accountable for the misdeed to some extent. And we typically don’t blame the kids. I don't think such blame is categorical sexism.

What I do know is, the more I follow the Madoff scandal, the more questions arise.

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